REAL....

Who am I?  Even from the time we are born there is, in most of us, a desire to be wanted, loved, accepted.

When Gail and I were thinking about finding a Lab.....we found a list which told us what to look for in a puppy.  In looking over a litter one rule stuck out.  Look for the puppy that can move away from the litter being able to take care of itself.  Observe those who, in essence, know who they are and like who they are as a dog.  You can see the REAL traits of the animal.

I'm chuckling as I read what I've written.  I did not have Self Confidence Traits till I was in my 30's.   Oh, I reached a time where I'd stand for myself, but know ME...The REAL ME?

My birthday is in July.  I entered the first grade in September.  I'd been the only child for 4 !/2 years.  Preschool was not a custom in 1948. ...My eyesight was not clear.  Who knew?  I really do not remember any children's books.  Reading...before school started?  We played outside I guess...I've  tried  to figure out my activities from my birth to entering first grade.  I'm blank, and those who could remember that era have passed.  I had to get glasses.  Hey 4 eyes.....  What's wrong with you?  He looks stupid.    Life among kids of that time was rough.   There were no participation trophies.  I've read that if a child can not read by grade 3 they are basically lost.  I was lost.  I should have repeated grade one, or better yet I should have been held back a year.  At church my parents would have been asked is Jimmy not in school?  He's old enough?  Is something wrong with him?  So.....off to school I went.

In the third grade...here sat a boy who saw no good in himself, could not read, was battling to be liked among the other boys, passed because he learned how to copy work from one who knew the answers.....   The fourth grade.  Mrs. Hancock.  On the school grounds there was a annex building that was separated from the main school building.  How I got into her class I have no idea.  It removed me from the main group of boys.  She had the ability to draw one out,  I will not say I over came my learning disability in her class.   Yes, it was a disability by the fourth grade.  My mental walk was crippled by a mind set that I was not fit to learn.  It was in Mrs. Hancock's class my dream of going far away was awakened.  In writing this I'm asking myself was it the product of my feeling I was unfit?  Or, that I wanted to escape all these that saw me as unfit?  I can not remember the assignment.  I remember I went to the Library to look for information on the Outback.  Wow...that's a long way from my little town in Alabama.  I'd not find any there that thought I was unfit.  I know, I know...at this stage no matter where I'd gone I would have taken the feeling of unfit with me.

Writing is a healer and revealer!!!!   All these years I've felt I had a interest in other parts of the world when I wrote about Australia in the fourth grade.   I was trying to escape.    Later in my life I developed a interest in Australia which I thought was connected to the fourth grade.   I'm sitting here dazed at what I've discovered.   I'm not saddened by this revelation.

There are other points to this time in my life to consider.  I need to digest this emotionally before I go on writing.  Have you had such a revelation when writing?